Thursday, January 28, 2010

Obeying the law

I'm having one of those days weeks fortnights where I wish I had not created the first commandment of Loretta's Vendetta: Thou shalt not blog about work. Because y'all, I could make you laugh, cry, and shriek with horror all in one post.

I feel like my life outside of work has been temporarily (I hope) sucked dry, leaving me with nothing even remotely interesting, humorous, or inspirational to say. I am tired, irritable, and my back hurts.

Please send cheeseburgers and earplugs.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I Think That's What They Mean by "Pregnancy Brain"

Hairstylist: So have you had a shower yet?

Me: :wondering why hairstylist is inquiring after bathing habits:
Um, I took one this morning...

long, awkward pause

Me: Oh, a BABY shower!

Considering how the prior fifteen minutes had been spent discussing pregnancy, this sort of shower makes much more sense.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Happy Half-Baked Day, Cleitus!

I haz a belly! And it's almost as big as my butt!

And now I would like to discuss pregnancy shirts. Not maternity shirts, but pregnancy shirts which in some (generally inane, overly cutesy) way allude to the mama-to-be's condition. While I certainly don't think pregnant women need to walk around in mu mus or billowing empire-waist shirts to disguise their ever-expanding mid-section, the modest part of me doesn't really find it NECESSARY to broadcast the growth with actual words. In fact, I might go as far as calling it tacky. So there.

All this brings me to my promise of a picture of the MOST AWESOME CHRISTMAS GIFT EVAH. And by awesome, I mean that I was filled with awe. But not the good kind. More like the kind that I deemed necessary to conceal in order to be a gracious recipient.

Sadly, the ubiquitous glitter occludes the writing under the "BABIES RULE" slogan, but imagine lots of descriptive words about babies that are also written in silver glitter. When I went to the store to return this shirt the clerk was having difficulty because apparently the exact same shirt had been returned at least once in the past. Fancy that! I do hope that by sending it back this shirt will one day find it's true owner who is most likely 15 and four months pregnant without even realizing it.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

What, That's not Romantic?

Victor: I was thinking Friday night we could have date. Whatever you want. We could go to dinner or go see a movie...

Me: Okay, I want you to clean the office while I lounge on the bed and give you instructions.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

It's Been a While

Since I've shaved my legs. And more relevently, since I've written anything.

The holidays were wonderful, I'm glad we've entered the year our baby will be born, yadayadayada.

More posts will be coming soon. Along with a picture of the Worst. Christmas Gift. Ever. Stay tuned!