A Fishing Song...

The Phantom of the Uterus
(Dedicated to the lovely fisherwomen of BOTB)

Heartburn, it haunted me
The nausea came
My boobies are so sore
Hormones I blame

All of these symptoms
Taunt womankind
The Phantom of the Uterus is there...
Inside your mind

My temperature today
Was very low
An implantation dip?
Or will I start my flow?
Evaporation lines
Cruelly spellbind
The Phantom of the Uterus is there...
Inside your mind

It's Ten O'Clock Somewhere

Dedicated to those of us who think the real happy hour is when we get to go to bed.
(to the tune of "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" performed by Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffett)

The sun’s still up and that old clock is moving slow
And so am I
The evening passes like molasses in wintertime
Cause it’s July
I’m getting drowsier by the hour and older by the minute
Cooking dinner just pushed me over the limit
I need to do some chores
But I think I’ll call it a day

So turn the lights down nice and low
I’ve got to get up real early tomorrow
It’s only half past eight, but I don’t care
It’s ten o’clock somewhere

This siesta is gonna take ten full hours
A lovely night
My husband tells me his shirts need to be ironed
But that’s all right
I haven’t done any laundry in over a week
The dust situation here is getting pretty bleak
If the husband should freak
I’ll say to do it himself

So turn the lights down nice and low
I’ve got to get up real early tomorrow
It’s only half past eight, but I don’t care
It’s ten o’clock somewhere
I could have some caffeine, but see, that would mean
Not getting sleep until two
At a moment like this I can’t help but wonder
What would Garfield do?

So turn the lights down nice and low
I’ve got to get up real early tomorrow
It’s only half past eight, but I don’t care
It’s ten o’clock somewhere